I have recently started a new job which has lead to meeting a lot of new people.
Allow me to get off track a little bit. Usually, meeting new people is SUPER hard for me and I act really shy (shocking I know, but people from my last job that are reading this can attest to that!). With this new job I have been trying very hard to be honestly and genuinely me. I have to say that I have been doing very good at this, which is awesome!
Ok, so back to adoption blog: Me being more well, me has lead to more people to asking more questions about me. The kid question in the title I have not figured out a way to answer. Here is what I want to say:
“Well, that’s a long story. You see, my husband and I are adopting a sibling group of as of yet unknown kids from foster care. We are about 1 to 1 and a 1/2 months from being matched with the kids. About 1 month (give or take a couple of weeks) after that the kids move in with us full time. So, the simple answer to that question is no not yet, but soon, but I’m not pregnant.”
When I wanted to answer with that for the first time, I did a quick “Is that a creeper/crazy thing to say” check and the answer was a huge YES! So I answered “We soon will” which led to people asking when I was due as I didn’t look pregnant (which was sweet of them to say) so next time I said “No, well not really”
Basically, I can’t figure out how to simply answer that question. In my day to day life, no I am not a mom. I get to sleep in as late as I want, take naps, watch anything on tv, and stay late at work sometimes.
If you could see in my heart things are so different. Even though there are no kids in my home, no one crying for mom when they skin their knees, or wanting one more hug before I leave for work my heart feels like a mom’s heart. Daily I think of where my kids are, are they excited for school to start again? Are they even old enough for school? My heart has been preparing to be a mom for a long time, but more specifically since we started this adoption journey.
You see, I can’t answer no to that question. I do have kids. I may not know their names or where they live or how old they are, but they are my kids. Joel and I will meet them someday, it might be 1 month, 2 months or 2 years, but someday I will finally lay my eyes on the kids that God has set apart to be my children.
Right now it is hard to wait. Right now I see the days that go by that I could be with them and they could be having their love bucket filled up. I don’t understand the wait, and I don’t have patience. What I do have is a strong burden (a good one) on my heart for 1, 2, or 3 kids out there that need a home, and will wade through any period of waiting (as pointless as that seems) or any class/training (see last post) if that gets me even 1 inch closer to those kids.
To be honest, no I don’t understand how waiting and being patient can bring me closer to my kids. But I will wait in the Lord, and try my darndest to trust in His timing. And when I have questions or complaints, I will cry out to God and let Him know that I am frustrated and struggling with waiting. I know God laid this burden on my heart for these kids, and He also laid out the plan with the timing. Even though I know these things doesn’t mean waiting each day gets any easier, it doesn’t.