Visit Canceled but Project Started

Today was a very tough day for me. Heck, let’s be real, this past week or two has been hard me. The adoption process is tough for everyone that goes through it, and while I knew that, I’m having an especially difficult time right now.

What is going on really comes down to control. At this point in the process, Joel and I have done everything we can from paperwork to meetings to trainings of a wide variety of usefulness. From now until the home study is complete and we begin the matching process we are relying completely on our social worker (and more importantly on God).

As many of you know, I have had some frustrations with our agency and our new social worker lately, mainly regarding decisions and holdbacks on their end that are causing waiting on our end.

I know (logically) that I have little to no control over anything in my life. These past few weeks this fact has not only sank in logically but I have felt like I have been hit over the head with a 2×4 by the lack of control emotionally. I have also realized (once again in my life) that I am NOT GOOD with not having control! I am trying to reframe and change perspectives and put my trust in God, but when it comes down to all of those things it is hard!

It is so hard knowing my kids are out there somewhere, and there is this canyon between me and them. Just thinking of this brings tears to my eyes and I don’t even know these kids yet! Am I completely bonkers?

Anyway, today was supposed to be the last home study visit and meeting with our new social worker. Without getting into too many details (don’t want to get myself into trouble by saying anything stupid while I feel like a protective Mother Bear) the social worker canceled this meeting and asked us to reschedule. We are trying to reschedule for next Tuesday (31st) which means there is a 0% chance we will be ready to be matched by August 1st, and our social worker said she “hopes” out home study will be done in August.

Anyone who knows me, or has even been reading my blog for a while knows how much I have been looking forward to matching (especially since social worker #2 out of 3 said to start looking and that we would be approved by Aug. 1st by the latest) and how hard this latest change of plans has been for me to accept.

With all this frustration and lack of control I’ve decided to start a project. No, I don’t know the age or gender of the children we will get or even the number of children, but I do know that everyone gets cold and needs blankets! Today I got yarn and am going to knit a blanket (and then multiple blankets) for the kids that will be placed with us. It will be adult sized so they can have it forever. It will be a patchwork of squares of all the colors present in the picture below. So far tonight I have gotten 1 and 1/2 squares done. At least now I feel like I’m doing SOMETHING.

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The colors of the blanket

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First Blanket Square

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End of night progress

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7 thoughts on “Visit Canceled but Project Started

  1. Hang in there. I know the wait can kill you. It is brutally hard. But you have to remind yourself that God is in control and for some reason He has to make you wait so that the kids He has planned for you are ready for you when your paperwork is ready. It is an emotional ride but well worth it (I think….this coming from a person who just spent the last 2 1/2 hrs comforting a small toddler who misses her foster family and own country.) I am going to go and attempt to sleep before they wake up again.

    • Thankfully, since I wrote this post the wait has gotten easier. Actually, nope, the wait has not been easier, the trusting God has been. I look forward to when we are able to have our complete family together and have realized that I will wait however long is necessary to follow God’s will for me. (As hard as that is to live out vs say!) It will all be worth it! I know it! Your family is adjusting and you are an a different part of the ride, but I imagine it is still VERY emotional! The project is helping tons!

  2. It’s a little crazy how alike we are. I’ve been mulling over possible projects for passing time, as well. I’m hoping it will give me a sense of moving forward when I have no other control. My wait, however will be much longer. And since we’re planning an international adoption, I’m thinking of making lots of whatever I settle on so that I can donate a bunch to whatever orphanage we wind up working with. I’m looking forward to seeing how your blankets progress. 🙂

    • That is so funny how we are both facing the wait and approaching it the same way! I have to admit it is nice to know there is someone else out there in a similar situation with regards to waiting. For me with adoption its hard to build that support system of people that can relate to what I are going through as it is so different that having birth children. Anyway, I appreciated the comment.

      I also, LOVE your idea of making a bunch of things to donate to the orphangage where you will adopt your daughter. I will make sure to keep the blanket updates coming!

  3. Pingback: Quick Recap | Katie's Adoption and Fitness Journeys

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