Waiting makes for a heavy heart

I know it hasn’t even been that long that I have been waiting and that families and waited MUCH longer than we have so far.

I hope the waiting is almost over and that after the home study we will get a match quickly. I feel thankful that we were led to foster care adoption as I don’t know how I could have done the longer wait times of the other programs (that is not the only reason so don’t think bad of me!) I am honestly in awe of other families who have waited such long times with little information.

Anyway, for the past 2-3 weeks this waiting has been hard. The list of 2 or 3 things the social worker needed me to do after the last home study meeting is complete.

The blanket that I was putting all my energy and frustration into became a source of frustration so I avoided it. I really want to get back to it. It’s just that every time I looked at it I was reminded that we were waiting and all the feelings that brought up for me.

My goal for this week is to get back to knitting!

Every time I see kids or parents and kids (remember what I do for a living?) my heart aches for the kids that I want to call mine. This waiting is the hardest part.

 

————————–UPDATE——————————————–

Still waiting, just like many other hopeful parents out there. At least I know there will be a family in the end, what is really breaking my heart is that my kids have no idea I am coming! For them it isn’t waiting, it’s just life. They might not know about adoption or have given up hope. Either way, I am coming. If I have to have a broken and heavy heart every day, every hour until then I will. It will be WELL worth it in the end. For those of you with no experience adopting I can’t explain what makes this wait so hard, suffice it to say it is like nothing I have experienced.

I keep thinking when I see kids, if my kids are happy and loved right now. I know that I have been praying and trying to leave it to God but (as previous post have said) I am no good at that and today it is just plain hard. Today I just want to give my kids a big hug and say that I am coming. That even if it takes 5 years, I will do the work and get there. For now, I pray that they have loving foster parents and a great social worker and feel the presence of God when they long for parents. And know that we are coming, just as fast as is possible!

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