If you have nothing nice to say…..

As you may (or may not in a not Katie-centered world) have noticed, I have been absent from blog world for almost 3 weeks now. Despite my absence, there has been a steady stream of views, although I am not ruling out the fact that it may be my mom or other family member coming back day after day. 🙂

Anyways, the reasons for my lack of postings are due to the age old advice: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

It’s not that I have a bunch of NOT nice things to say, I just am very aware that this is a public blog and what I put out there is out there for good. Sparing you the specific details of what is going on, suffice it to say that I am very frustrated with the way the adoption is (or more accurately is NOT progressing). Short story is last Saturday marked 3 months since the last social worker indicated that she had been laid off and there has been negligible minimal progress made.

I am trying my hardest to put my trust in God and have faith in his timing.  Regardless of how long this takes, Joel and I are in it for the long haul. Multiple people have made comments that maybe now is the time to start trying naturally, and with my high frustration level I do not take that comment very well. For anyone reading this with a desire to comment on that please remember adoption is not and has never been a second choice for me. I fully believe that God has called Joel and I to adopt and if God also blesses us with a biological child  that is wonderful, but a delay in the adoption process IS NOT a reason to re-evaulate the process/plan!

Anyway, sorry about the tangent. I am tired of fighting to get the social worker everything she needs or even knowing what she needs. I am tired of having to advocate for what I was told I would have MONTHS ago. I am tired of working all day with other people’s kids when I just want to be home with my own. I am tired of knowing that there are kids out there without parents and I am helpless to do anything about it anymore. I am tired and worn out.

Today, and for the past almost 2 months, the adoption process completely sucks ass. Excuse my language but it does. It is long, it is hard, and I am GOOD at paperwork, imagine what it is like for people that are not good with paperwork or are not organized?

If society really wants to do something about the problem of orphans we needs to find a balance between finding safe families (by screening them) and making it easy enough that people can manage through all the crappy read tape and confusion (and people that don’t know what they are doing….or darn it, the not nice slipped out a little bit…)

So I am done being quite and patient. I have learned that I can learn patience in my heart during this time, but that people in the know regarding my paperwork need some pushing. I will be polite (Always) but blunt and very advocating. I may not know who my kids are but right now they have no parent to be their advocate. So I am officially taking on that advocate role, and I truly do not care if by the end of this every social worker in the state hates me!

A song that speaks to how I feel tonight:


13 thoughts on “If you have nothing nice to say…..

  1. My initial advice for those telling to you to ‘start trying naturally’ is: punch those people in the face.
    Then … Run 😉
    As you likely know I well know your position (16 months and still waiting) and all I can say is you will most assuredlly, believe it or not, will be better for having had this wait ( I know not what you want to hear!). I think the most frustrating part is knowing you’ve been lied to, whether intentionally or not 😦
    All I can say is hold onto that dream even when everyone is telling you to let go, because right when you finally give into the wait and take a rest from it God will surprise you with His presence. If I can say that after the past few months it must be true!
    Thanks for your honesty and openness. It’s a rare jewel.
    Go and enjoy some good sleep, cuz those days are numbered 😉

    • I love your advice! Waiting is by far the hardest part, but I agree that I will be better for having waited! I am so excited to enjoy this restful and relaxing weekend and I hope that you get to do the same!

  2. So sorry things are not moving for you. We were just talking about the frustrations ourselves. If it were up to us we would have it all done by now. But we have to wait on others to do things. We work diligently on our part and someone else drags their feet. I understand your frustration. We are praying for you. Adoption is not for the faint of heart. We agree it should not be this hard!

    • Thank you so much for your prayers, they are needed! Adoption is definitely not for the faint of heart. I heard that plenty of times before we started this process but had no idea what that really meant recently!

  3. Katie – It’s me! I check your blog everyday! 🙂 Why?! Because you are a wonderful person and I am so excited for you and Joel. I love the comment above that says enjoy some good sleep. 🙂 Once you have a kid or kids, you won’t be able to remember what good sleep was/is. Venting is good and your frustration is understandable. I am annoyed too! Keep your head up!

    • Thanks JoDee! I have definitely been trying to stock up on all the good sleep I can while it is just me and Joel here! I am glad that I have wonderful people who are on my side and offer me great support (like you!)

  4. Way to go.. I totally support you if you would want to call your social worker all the time to make sure she gets the paperwork done. Or have her set a deadline that her side will be done by this time. Our home study had to be complete 1 month after the last interview. The paper trail is so frustrating.

  5. Blessings. It is not God’s will that children be without parents, but God does promise to work everything out for the best if we are loving and serving Him. Sometimes I think He is the inspiration behind us getting up and saying “Enough is enough!” You go, girl, and bring your children home!

  6. I am sorry for your frustrations and I know that you are hurting. I don’t have any words or advice to help you except try to keep smiling. Wish I had something more profound.

    My wife and I adopted (domestic) and I applaud you for moving forward with the process. It is tough and like a roller coaster, all up and down. Not very many smooth parts. Each time you think you are past the final hurdle another pops up.

    If I had any advice for you is to tell the agency that you don’t want to know if you have been selected until the child has been born and the birth mother has terminated her rights to the child. I know it cuts down on the time you have to prepare but there are so many things that derail the process. Those who know say that knowing about a child and then having the birth mother change her mind before relinquishing her rights is the equivalent to a miscarriage.

    We made the choice to not know and imagine our surprise when one day the phone rings and two weeks later you have a little bundle of work in your home. You can get ready with plenty of time. It takes faith but with the gift of hindsight you will know that your future child was destined to be in your family exactly the same as any other child. The only change is the story begins differently. It will happen and you will have a child. You have got to believe it and sit back and try to enjoy the ride.

    I would highly encourage you and your husband to focus on each other and the good in life. JoDee Anderson encouraged you to get your sleep because it will change. Sage advice, please listen to her. If you can, plan some quick trips with your husband and really enjoy the peace and quiet. Things can change rapidly, and it will help if you know you maximized your life together. Good luck with the process and God Bless.

  7. The paperwork is never ending! Once you finish with the list, somehow another “required” piece appears. It’s like you are the first person ever to go through this process, even though you know darn well you aren’t.

    • They should just make a checklist and give it to you at the beginning! We can’t be the first people to go through it, like you said so you think someone would have thought of this by now!

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