Sorry for the lack of posts lately, I need to get better about that. I think about blog ideas and often say to myself “this would make a great blog post!” But alas, somewhere between my thought and my laptop things get lost. I think the real problem here is that I barely use my laptop for anything other than bills and working from home at times. My iPhone can do almost everything that my laptop can do, except that it is really hard to write blog posts on it.
Anyway, last I left you I announced that we were switching from adoption to being licensed as straight foster care with the ability to adopt if the children’s rights get terminated and there are no family members or kin available to adopt.
I am back here today, a day before we meet with the licensing social worker again, to explain the switch a bit more. At the beginning of this whole process, a little over a year ago our hearts were torn as to which direction to take. At the time we felt both a pull towards helping kids in need by offering them a home and love. We quickly ruled out international adoption (costs) and infant adoption (I particularly felt called to focus on older children and/or sibling groups), so that left adoption from foster care or straight foster care.
I am a tad embarrassed to say this but, 1 year ago, I immediately vetoed straight foster care. I was scared and could imagine how hard it would be to open my home and love a child(ren) and then let them go and live somewhere else. I rationalized that it would be too hard and that God would understand that foster care just wasn’t my mission field.
Throughout this past year, there have been moments that pull on my heart, things I hear or read, that made Joel and I reconsider foster care. The major game changer was the moment that Joel and I had made the decision to switch. When we decided I was still nervous, but something AWEsome happened (I capitalized the awe because it cannot be from anything but God). This whole year I have had a burden on my heart for helping kids in need and opening my home to them. I figured that in the adoption process that burden would get smaller and go away. Once Joel and I made the decision final and changed the plan and told the county and our agency, I felt a peace and a calm that I cannot explain.
Even now, as we are getting closer and closer to becoming licensed as a foster care provider in Scott County (we have a meeting tomorrow to discuss what we have left in the process as we completed many of the requirements during the adoption process) I have questions and anxiety comes up, but when I stop and think of the kids in need that we are helping I feel that calm and peace once again. I have not experienced anything like that in my life.
I am so grateful for a great and patient God. A year ago, I firmly said “No way, I will never do foster care. Too hard!”. God instead of getting frustrated (as any human would) saw the path that I choose to take and worked slowly on my heart where I was this past year. Eventually with prayer and waiting on that small voice and burdens on my heart I got to the point where I believe that God wants me right now. I do not begin to say that I know what God wants from me in my life, my hope in my life is that when I think I know where God wants me, I go there. Right now, Joel and I feel God wants us in foster care, that may change in 6 months or in 10 years we may still be in foster care.
This photo explains how I feel the last year has been on my walk with God.