This was my first thought when I got a very cryptic email from our social worker. Usually the emails contain some information, but this email was especially vague. The subject simply said “home study at _____ county” (the county for the 15 month old girl with the body of the email simply saying call when you get a chance. Usually at this point in the adoption process the social worker for the 15 month old girl would be going through all the home studies they had received and choose some (3-5) families or couples to interview. So, hypothetically, at this point the only information we should be getting is yes they want to interview us or no they do not. All of which can (and have in the past) be put in an email.
So, bright and early the day after I got the email to call our social worker and find out what is going on. I fully expected to hear one of the two options (we were not chosen, or they want to interview us). Man was this phone call going to shake up my day!
Here is the gist of the phone call: No word yet on the 15 month old girl. However, once our home study got to _____ county the worker for the little girl shared it with another worker in the county that is searching for a home for a sibling group of 3. That worker (the second one) read our home study and thought that we would be a great fit.
Evidently they have been looking for a family these kids for a while, even interviewed some people and have not found a good fit. They have a TPR trial later this month. Their ages are 3, 5, and 8. 2 girls and a boy. That is all the information I will share about them.
This has just literally dropped in our laps. The siblings’ worker wanted to know if we were interested, we said that we were (of course!!!). The worker is sharing our home study with the CP worker (child protection). If the CP worker also thinks that we would be a good fit they will contact us for an interview. Very informal (not like the other interview I wrote about with 8 people on the other side of the table and Joel and I on this side!) which is nice.
This is just so different, instead of us seeking out available kids, the working found us (AFTER reading our home study, which means she already knows pretty much everything about us and still is interested!) These kids seem like a WONDERFUL fit for our family, are great ages and the needs they have we can totally meet! I would feel humbled to be able to keep a sibling group together and love on them forever!! So now we wait…. You would think it would get easier at this point, but no! I know there are kids relatively close by but they might as well be as far away as my sister is for what I can do for them now. (Sorry, some explanation, my sister is in the peace corp in Mozambique) The second worker is out of town until later this week and I am hoping we hear something then.
I think at this point I have completely given up on trying to shield my heart from getting attached to kids. I know the workers and pretty much everyone says not to get too attached, that it would be too hard on me, ect. I’m just all in to any and all kids that we put our names in for. That might just be the hardest way to go about (hardest on my heart that is), but as a good friend pointed out these kids need to be loved, and even if they never know me and I am not destined to be their mother they were loved.
Even knowing that, my heart so wants to search for every little sign and signal that this is different than all the other times. I try to see if these are the kids, thinking that maybe, maybe God would give me a sign. Really it is just to ease my anxious heart. And anxious it will stay until the kids I am meant to mother are peacefully resting in my home. I think other adoptive moms can understand that!