At the meeting last Friday the social workers said that they would email us pictures of the kids. They said they would try to get the pictures sent out on Friday and if not they would be sent out on Monday (today). Friday went by in a blur of updating family and babysitting an amazing three year old (that we had all weekend, what good practice for having kids!) so when the pictures didn’t come it was ok as there was so many other exciting things that happened.
Today, however my day was pretty boring as my clients canceled and I was just waiting on the pictures. Every beep and ring of the phone made my heart jump thinking that maybe, maybe it was the pictures of my kids. It is so odd to be waiting for pictures of kids that you already know are yours. I went about my day doing motherly things (searching for adoption competent therapists and touring and putting the deposit for the preschool/daycare). On my way to tour the preschool/daycare My phone did its beepy thing and I looked down (yes while driving, my mom brain turned off). It was the emails I had been waiting for. I pulled over to the side of the road to see my kids for the first time.
I opened the emails and saw my wonderful, beautiful children staring back at me. My heart stopped and the level of love I had (which I thought was a lot) was doubled or tripled right away when those eyes stared back at me. If I thought I felt like a mother before, man did it hit me today when I opened those attachments. I am a mom. I have 3 kids. I love my kids and I am excited to start my journey with Joel and the kids.
I quickly forward the emails to Joel so he could see the kids and went to the daycare/preschool meeting. I forwarded the pictures to family members and called to celebrate with them. I can’t even explain the joy and pride I feel in having pictures of my kids. I want to share them far and wide and show everyone how cute my kids are. However, due to the situation, the kids’ pictures aren’t legally mine to share on the world wide web until the adoption in finalized 6-9 months after they move in with us. So until then, no pictures here or on Facebook. I can share with out of town family by text or email as long as I don’t share identifying information in the emails (like their last names, which I was told, but forgot as I keep thinking their last names are the same as mine! 🙂 )
I know that the kids come from a situation where their needs where not met and they were put in danger, to say the least. Healing and moving on from that will take a ton of time, a lot of structure, a heaping pile of love, and lots of therapeutic supports for us and the kids. Joel and I are fully expecting the first couple of months to be tough to say the least, but we are looking forward with great joy to being with our kids regardless of how difficult the transition will be. Joel and I are in this forever, and seeing the pictures of the kids today cemented that in my heart. These are the kids that God has for me and Joel. The reasons that the kids need us to be their parents are tragic but God has worked through that tragedy to bring the kids into a loving, Christian home that will be forever committed to them.
This image really sums up this truth for me:
In a perfect world, these kids would not need to be my kids. Yet here we are and they need a home and I am so blessed that God has chosen our home to be that home. These pictures really bring home the reality of the situation. You can see it in their eyes, the hurt they have been through and the hope and light that is still there despite all odds. These kids, MY KIDS, are beautiful. Many people have told me that they look like Joel and I, honestly that doesn’t mean much to me. If they looked nothing at all like us, they would still be MY KIDS! And soon, I will be able to meet them face to face, and then I will have them in my house and my heart will be full of love.