Seriously though, how is it possible for all the shit to hit all of the fans in the course of 7 days? My life seems to go like this regularly. All the good packed so closely together and all the bad packed so closely together as well. I find that these weeks packed with bad have always been hard, but this is the first week (most likely not the last) like this since the kids have moved in. It is hard to hold my shit together when someone needs something constantly.
Anyway, to my week. There was a past safety issue with the kids that needed to be addressed. That was tough by itself and then I get a text that my grandmother is sick. The reality is that she is dying, 6 hours away. 6 hours away when I have pre-adoptive foster kids that I can’t take out of state without prior social worker approval. My grandmother gets sick on a Sunday. This means that I am stranded 6 hours away with kids that have lived with me only a little more than 2 months that can’t come with me. My husband and I talked and though it was a tough decision we decide that I should go see my grandmother while he stays home with the kids (calling his mom in for backup). I pack up and leave to 3 kids that tell me that they are sure that I won’t come back. My heart breaks yet I go. I feel like I am needed in two places at one time but the decision has been made. My kids will be around for a while, why my grandma will not.
I leave and go visit her and (praise The Lord) I make it before her health goes any more south. There were doubts about this, but once I was there I began praying that my wonderful sister Maggie would make it all the way back from Africa in time (3 days later). Today is that day and I am so happy to report that Maggie made it back in time! My wonderfully strong and sassy grandma is still alert and giving heck to my dad (he needs it). At this point there are days or weeks left unless she takes a turn for the worse. I am so glad that I got to visit and hang out with her. Complete with showing her pictures of her new great-grandkids and reading our favorite paper.
This situation with my grandmother makes me think of all my other loved ones that have passed away. These types of thoughts are always saddening, but since I have kids there is now a surprising new layer to all this. Not only do I not have any more opportunities to spend with some people that were really important to me, my kids will grow up only knowing these people as characters in a story. This fact breaks my heart. Some people that were so key in shaping my life, my kids will never know.
However, I know that those loved ones are cheering for me and my kids and waiting on pins and needles to meet them once we all get to heaven.
My kids lost their mind with me being gone so I came back the next day to a house full of people that loved me and missed me so much. I have to say, that moment showed me how awesome the people in my life have done! They formed a life that loves unconditionally, sasses non-stop, and cares deeply. There is no greater tribute to those that have passed away than living the life they would want you to have.
My grandmother has not passed away and maybe, just maybe, she will get to meet my kids when we all head down there after Christmas.