So, I came to the realization today that I had neglected to blog about a major life change that is underway in our household. This past Friday was my last official day at work. Yes, you read that right, this new mama is not going to be working. Starting now I will be a stay at home mom. Joel and I talked and prayed and made lists (of course) and truly feel like this is the best choice for our kids. They need the stability and reassurance of someone there all the time and I need to be there with them. Lately I have just been feeling frustrated at work because it is taking time away from my kids. It is weird for me to feel that way since I LOVE work, especially at the job I was at, but that just confirmed for me my need to stay home.
So, what will you do with all this time I hear people asking (or maybe that was just my anxiety)? Will I sleep in, pick up a hobby, what? Neither of those! I will be taking care of the household chores so we can have more fun family time in the evening, I will be doing preschool with my two youngest and then helping S with homework. I will be driver to appointments galore and scheduler for family needs. I will be referee to children’s squabbles. Most of all I will be the example of a loving parent to these children that have not had nearly enough of this. I will be the calm in the storm (on 75% of the days, lets just be honest here). I will be the setter of limits and the comforter of broken hearts and boo boos. I will show my amazing children healthy parenting and healthy love, and by doing all this I will be showing and teaching about God’s love of them. All this while folding laundry. My new job has horrible benefits, no pay, but amazing rewards of the non-financial kind.
I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I feel. I am blessed with 3 wonderful, crazy, fun, and at times difficult children. I am blessed with family and friends that truly support me. I am blessed by a WONDERFUL husband who does so much for his family including providing for us financially so I can be a stay at home mom. I am blessed to be miles and miles and miles away from the broken girl I was a long time ago. I am blessed to be an amazing example of God’s love and redemptive power in our lives.
So my days will be different, there will be no meetings or paycheck. There will be no hours of sanity when a client no-shows. There will be no DA’s or progress notes. But there will be love and hugs and tears and laughter. There will be me and Joel at the end of every day thoroughly exhausted but together and loving every minute. There will be screaming and stomping and yelling and cursing. There will be crying and pouting and rejection of the love offered. There will be learning new ways of handling situations and using our words. There will be many (hopefully) wonderfully cooked meals and awesome crafts. There will be, most of all, love that cannot be contained.
I do not know a game-play for this stay-at-home momness that I have chosen. Right now I know without a doubt that I will be a stay at home mom for as long as the kids need me to or as long we can financially manage it, whichever comes first.
So, here I go. Beginning this stranger journey that I never thought I would be in. I thought I would go crazy staying home (and I may) and I would want to go to work. These past 2 months have shown me that all I want is to stay home and be with my kids. And for now, that is enough.