Easter (Yes, I know how long ago that was)

Easter was a very eye opening experience in a lot of ways. Easter church was SO crowded (which was great) but I truly noticed the effects of this on my kids. S and C were more nervous but were able to maintain during church by sitting closer to Joel and I or on our laps. P however was a different story. In general he is my kid that wears his emotions on his sleeve and is pretty easy to read. He was anxious and clingy almost to the point of tears throughout the service. At about 15 minutes into the service I asked P if he needed a break. He did so Joel stayed with C and S while P and I went outside. There were simply too many people and to much was different for poor P. There was no kids church he could escape to, so much was different. We came back into the service right as it was ending and they were starting the Easter Egg Hunt for the kids. All the kids lined up and in the excitement P did not realize that I was not still right next to him but a few kids back. P turned around and could not see me because I was on the other side of door and burst into tears. I quickly got to him and held him while he cried that he thought I left him. We recovered and hunted for Easter eggs. The rest of the day was similar things with all 3 kids. I came to realize that, as a mom of kids that went through challenges, I truly wish I could combine all holidays, birthdays, and celebrations into 1 day a year so my kids would not have to adjust to change so often. This summer we have some traveling planned (really just 1 road trip to meet up with my mom and a couple trips to the family cabin) and I am curious to see how it goes, any tips would be welcome!
Another way that Easter was eye opening was in a spiritual way. Since childhood I logically understood that Jesus died for us and rose again. I don’t think it ever really hit me what that really meant until I had children. I mean thats all good and nice that he died for my sins but I never really realized what that meant. This Easter as I looked into the eyes of my children and realized how deeply and truly I love them I realized how much more God loves me than I love my kids. A love for your kids is different than any other kind of love, its a love that both fills your heart and breaks it at the same time. Then the next thought it me and nearly brought my to tears. Not only did Jesus die for me and my kids and those I know and love, he died for children’s birth family, for their abusers, for the people in their lives that have hurt them in unimaginable and unthinkable ways. How deep must that love be? To know full well the hurtful and bad choices that people will make, but choosing to die for them anyway so they too can have a chance at salvation. Wow, I could not do that!


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