This past Sunday was my first Mother’s day. It was a strange mix of a ton of emotions (for me and the kids). I will address both side of this mother’s day.
For Me: I was filled with all sorts of feelings. On the one hand, I know very well how heartbreakingly difficult this day can be. Just 12 months ago, I was waiting, waiting with a heart that was all ready to be a mother, but with a home that was empty (and somehow felt SO much bigger than it does now!). I will always be mindful of the pain that this day can bring. I will always feel so unbelievably blessed that God has brought these amazing (and tiring) 3 kids into my life. This mothers day was a mix of happy and mindful is the best way to explain it. I got some great homemade presents and cards from the kids and chocolate (that Joel helped them buy) AND I got to go craft shopping ALL BY MYSELF!
For the Kids: I am not their only mom. I never have been and never will be their only mom. In a perfect world, my children would have no need for me and would be happy, loved, and safe with their birth parents. However, this is far from a perfect world and we are trying to make a little slice of perfect with the hand that we all were dealt. My kids’ cards are worse than most. There are cards filled with hate, jealousy, neglect, and abuse. These are the cards that life and their birth family dealt them. These are NOT the cards that God (or Joel and I) want them to have. We are slowly but surely replacing the negative cards with cards that say: loving, caring, smart, wanted, and other things that are true and positive. My kids are fully aware of the entire story of their lives. Who their birth family is, why they can’t live with them, who took care of them in foster care, why they can’t live with these people either, who their birth siblings are, why they don’t live with us, who Joel and I are, and the plan for our lives. That is a TON of information for a kid to figure out (on top of the normal stuff: don’t run while you chew, flush the toilet after you go, ext). So when mother’s day came along I was all prepared for explosions, anger, ect. There was none of that, just confusion and sadness. It played out in small hidden ways during the day. Less frustration tolerance, more yelling, ect. At different parts of the day I took the kids aside one by one and mentioned how happy I was for all that they were doing for me. I also “wondered” out loud (thank you therapist training!) if this day was also kind of sad and confusing because they have more than one mom, but only got to celebrate with one. All 3 said that they had been thinking of that today (in their words or behaviors) and I told all 3 that it was ok to love and miss all the people that were in the mother role in their lives and that doesn’t change how they feel about me at all. The day went much better after these conversations
So a big day, with lots of emotions, handled well in the L house!