We have had some peaks and some valleys recently but I really believe that we are in a god place and all kids are making great progress. I will write more on that soon but today I wanted to highlight one specific incident that shows me growth. This is regarding the same child I wrote about last post (the sump pump, you didn’t tell me incident).
Last night the PCA was over and watched the kids so Joel and I could go shopping. Due to the previous attic incident our eldest was not allowed to go play with her friend yesterday. Well she could not play with her friend anywhere but our driveway. We explained all that to the PCA and headed to our shopping trip.
When we got home we heard from the PCA that she had a tough time while we were gone. We reminded her that we can start again tomorrow and tucked her in as it was bedtime. As Joel was walking upstairs after tucking her in he heard her start to cry. He went back and then called me and we had what amounted to a very mature discussion.
You see the problem was that her friend when she was over playing was trying to get her to break the rules or at least push the boundaries. She repeatedly told her friend not to (according to her AND the PCA) but had a tough time figured out what to do when her friend didn’t listen which ended up getting her in trouble for pushing boundaries.
When explaining all this, our tearful daughter said she wanted to take a break from her friend. That she wanted to make good choices and her friend wasn’t helping that. We talked through different ways to tell her friend. I offered that she could say that Mom and Dad don’t want her to hang out with her friend anymore. She looked appalled and said “But mom, that’s lying”. I explained that Dad and I really did want her to be around people that lift her up and help her make good choices. She was firm in wanting to stand up and talk to her friend herself. We said dad or I could be there to help if she wanted but that we are so proud of her mature decision. I told her that anyone that really wants to be her friend will understand what she is saying and change their behavior. If not they aren’t a real friend.
My daughter, the daughter that sometimes we have to spell things out very literally for independently made this decision. This is why sometimes it can be hard to remember that she needs things to be extra clear. I mean she is making some awesome mature decisions. Decisions that some people don’t leave til the teenage years, if ever. I am so proud that my daughter knows what she wants and deserves. That she deserves people in her life that lift her up and help her be the best she can.