I have been MIA from the blogging world for quite some time. Rest assured, it is because I have been soaking up the extra time I have to spend with my amazing children. Since November is National Adoption Month I felt the need to follow up on last years post: Don’t Do it!
Here’s the thing, everything I wrote there was true. Adoption is horrendously difficult, but then small moments pass me by during the day and I stop and marvel at how amazing adoption is. For example, while the kids were in school today I was doing some house cleaning that is easier with no kids around. I went to clean the sliding door. We recently found window markers when cleaning out some craft stuff and the kids have LOVED using them. As I opened the shade to clean I came across this:
With no prompting or big theological discussion I found my children (one of my girls since they are the only ones that can read) expressing their love of God and the fact that GOD IS GOOD!!! Yes, all parents would be proud of that, but this literally took my breath away. My children have experienced LITERALLY the WORST humanity can offer. Practically every vile, horrifying, nauseating thing you can think of that happens to children happened to my amazing kids. They came into our home with only 11 months of safety in their ENTIRE LIVES. They had every reason to believe that the world and everyone in it was evil. That they lived in a ‘dog eat dog’ world and they better get prepared.
Yet here I sit, 25 months after my kids moved in marveling at how God has used their lives to teach me so much about His love. How if my kids can believe so intrinsically that God is good that it comes out in their play/crafts how can I not be more firm in my belief?
After I wiped my tears I continued cleaning (but didn’t clean the window!) and this song came on my playlist:
This song sums up nearly everything I wanted to say about adoption. You know adoption will be hard, but how hard it is can be surprising to say the least!!!! I have wondered many times in this journey if there was hope to carry on, hardly believing that the horrifying circumstances in our life would be made good let alone beautiful! Yet here I am, living out each day noticing the small ways that this HAS been made beautiful! At times I fear what life will look like for me and my kids in the next 5, 10, 15, and 20 years. Yet if God can do what He has already done in all of our lives in just 25 months, imagine what He can do in 20 years!
Yes, adoption is hard. Your heart will break, you will question EVERYTHING you know, you will think you made a HUGE mistake, that the kids would be better off with almost literally anyone else. You will be sure that you have further traumatized them. What’s hard to remember in those times is that the result isn’t up to you. You pour in love and support and safety and a million other things, but in the end you offer up your life’s most important work (parenting your children) at God’s feet, praying that He will bring a harvest. Believing, sometimes in spite of everything you see and feel and hear and experience, that yes, EVEN THIS can be made beautiful!