This summer has bee insane (to put it mildly). Summer has always been a time of fun and travel and experiences in our house. With some of the special needs of the older kids we usually are pretty boring during the school year. We don’t do extracurricular activities, we don’t really do trips, we don’t really do much during the week other than school. By the time the big kids get home from school and finish homework they are done. Completely and Utterly done. It has gotten better over the years but school is stressful and exhausting for them. We may be re-evaluating the extracurricular activities ban during the school year this year but for the past 5 years that has been what we do. So summer has been our time to go all out. We go on vacations, the big kids go to camp, we go to family camp, we go to the pool, we go to amusement parks. Basically for a stay at home mom with kids, we are rarely at home. At least that’s what the past summers have been like.
Then the babies came. I was honestly a bit concerned about what our summers would be like. I know how much the big kids enjoy the activities and outings and I didn’t want to be the family that doesn’t do anything because we have babies. I would legit go insane if we just stayed home all the time. So we knew from the beginning that our regularly scheduled life would continue and the babies would be added to it. That babies would come with to these activities and trips. In talking about it, that seems really doable and easy. But then in practice it is intense. Spring semester went great. We had a good routine. I was able to be home just with the babies during the day and we had family time in the evenings. Summer is MUCH different. I came to realize that in order to live the life I wanted to live with my 5 kids, I would have to get really confident and comfortable at doing things with all of them on my own. I could not wait til my hubby got home from work every day to do things.
While it may seem to outsiders that this was an easy decision and came naturally to me, it definitely did not. I was (and still am) super overwhelmed and intimidated at times. But due to his work and time off available, there are things Joel simply can’t do with us. Which kind of sucks, not just for the help it would be to have two adults, but because I really like him and like hanging out with him! So at the beginning of summer I decided we would just do things. We have done big family trips with everyone, we have done trips where I just take the kids (yes, all 5), we have done day activities and fun stuff.
I truly believe, no matter how hard this summer has been (and man has it been hard at times) it is all worth it. Making these memories and having these experiences with not just my 3 older kids, but with all 5 is worth it. Showing my big kids that life doesn’t have to stop when babies come (or other hard things happen for that matter) and that if something is important to you, you find a way is such a good life lesson. I remember growing up and I thought my mom was super independent. After the divorce she would take us kids on vacations by herself and she invited her friends with kids to come with. As an adult I was talking to her and evidently she only brought her friend along because she was overwhelmed to go on a vacation with the kids. It was really eye opening in how parents see themselves versus how kids see their parents.
One of the places that I took the kids by myself was family camp this past weekend. It was there that I realized how important it is to have your tribe around you. This family camp was specifically for families that are affected by FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, brain damage related to maternal alcohol use while pregnant). Every family there gets the struggles we have. My kids are very typical kids in so many ways, but in those few ways where we really see the FAS impact it can be isolating to feel like people don’t get it. Please don’t get me wrong, We have so many people in our lives that don’t have experience with FAS yet love on us and our kids without reservation. I am so thankful for them and blessed by them. There is something unique, however, about surrounding yourself with people that get it. Where you don’t need to explain how your 14 year old looks 14 (if not older) but brain development wise isn’t 14. At this camp, people knew us and knew our story without me having to tell them. People that were there as volunteers to help were super amazing and supportive and loving. They prayed for us and with us and poured God’s love into all of us. They watched the babies so I could go to parent group, they were patient with the big kids when there was an issue. And without me having to remind them, they knew my kids take EVERYTHING literally and what that means in conversations.
To have these people surround you and lift you up at times when you are struggling (introducing babies and the change that comes with them has been hard, especially considering the special needs of my older kids) is so affirming. To know that they value you and your family just the way you are is awesome.
I came to realize this weekend how vital having a tribe is. Actually, having multiple tribes. My family is blessed with so many different groups of people that actively love on us and support us. So many groups of people that reinforce what we are doing as parents and pour into our kids. We have people that get us, through personal experience or the time they have spent with us. I honestly don’t know that I could be the parent I am without these people in our lives. The stress of summer and everything we are doing pales in comparison to nurturing these relationships with my tribe.
Katie's Adoption and Fitness Journeys 