Yesterday marked 5 years since Joel and I said our vows. It was a stormy wintery night, a blizzard was raging outside loved ones were braving the elements, and Joel and I were so content.
Now 5 years later I can say with confidence that Joel and I can get through anything. Those that know us know what these past 5 years have entailed and it hasn’t always been easy but throughout it all we have relied on each other, on our family and friends, but most importantly on God. I could not have picked a better partner for my life and this parenting journey.
To celebrate our anniversary we did a couple of things. On friday the kids were at either school or daycare because I was “working”. My clients all canceled so I was really home and Joel was working from home. We decided to take some time and go to lunch. We went to a place with REAL MENU!! We hadn’t looked at a real menu in MONTHS!!! We even turned off our phones! It was awesome!
Then today a wonderful church family offered to watch the kids for us. Actually they offered back in October and this was the scheduled day. I can’t even begin to explain how excited Joel and I were. 6 hours without kids to do whatever we wanted! Our kids have not had many babysitters, really just Joel’s parents and just when we had to go to training. This was definitely a first for us. The exciting and daring couple that we are we decided to go to a movie and grocery shop. Living the big life huh? It was so nice to just connect to Joel again without needy children vying for attention. We decided to make it a priority to spend some quality time together regularly, which for me means NOT going to bed as soon as we get all the kids tucked in. That is hard for me as I am a sleeper, but I am willing to try!
However, with adopted and attachment issue kids all good things have consequences. We saw that very clearly tonight when we arrived to pick the kids up from our friends’ house. We walked in to S almost in tears at the table and C and P vying for hugs. In attachment terms, S has the toughest time which makes sense because she had the most time in a toxic environment. Anyways after screaming, yelling, and stomping we finally figure out that she is upset that Joel and I didn’t take her with us that maybe we talked about wanting to give her up or something. I have to admit it took several breaks (on my part) to get to this because I was so frustrated with S. Joel and I were so excited to pick up the kids and we get there and she is a rude little sassy-pants. That is hard. But then we get home and breathe and talk and the night ends better than when we picked them up.
After we put the kids to bed I was pintresting (like I do) and came across this. I truly believe this is how S feels about us every time we leave. 
Katie's Adoption and Fitness Journeys 
My heart goes out to S. it is so sad that she is only a child and lives in fear every second of the day wondering if she will be sent away, if she will be ignored, or hurt in some way. Is there something you can give her? Like a teddy bear that has Joel’s and your voice recorded in it? Something like “we love you so much and we won’t leave you.” so even when y’all aren’t there she can hear y’all’s voice and feel a little bit safe and more secure?
Also, is she developmentally (both emotionally and cognitively) mature enough to have a heart-to-heart conversation about her reactive, sassy behaviors? Maybe that may help? Or you could role-play it out with toys?
I’ll be praying for your family!
The teddy bear is a good idea. She is developmentally on track enough to discuss it with us. We talked to her and she understood a bit. I told her I was so excited to see her and when we got there she was so sassy and rude. She told us how she felt and the night ended better. She was also SO tired